The short answer
It can help when everyone is willing to come. A mediator doesn't decide anything. They help a family reach its own agreement, and a family can find answers there that a court would not.
Mediation tends to fail when one side won't take part. Some probate courts run their own programs, so the probate court for the county where your parent lived is a good place to ask first.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Ask each sibling whether they would come to mediation.
- Ask the probate court whether it has a mediation program.
- Ask any mediator about their experience with estates and families.
- Agree in writing who pays, before the first session.
- Write down the two or three things you most need from it.
What can wait
- Court, while mediation is under way, unless a probate lawyer tells you a deadline won't wait.
- The hardest topic. You can start with one practical question and come back to it.
Who can help
The probate court for the county where your parent lived can tell you whether it has a mediation program.
A family or estate mediator can help you talk when you can't manage it alone.
A probate lawyer can advise you between sessions, and read any agreement before you sign it.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: Siblings and the Estate
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 9. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 1 to 18 after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- How do I stay in my family afterward? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- Who is in charge if no one was named? Book 1, The First Month
- What if one of us cared for Mom or Dad for years? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- How many death certificates do I need, and how do I get them? Book 1, The First Month
Hear when Siblings and the Estate is out
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