The short answer
You may still have rights, depending on the will and on your state's law. A will can leave a grown child out. When there is no will, state law decides who inherits, and in Arizona, for example, children come first after any surviving spouse, close or not.
What you want from the estate, and from your family, is yours to decide. You can ask for every paper, or step back from all of it, and either is a choice people make.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Decide whether you want information, a share, contact, or none of these.
- Give the person handling the estate an address for papers, if you want them.
- Ask whoever is handling the estate, or the probate court, for the papers you want.
- Use a probate lawyer as the go-between if direct contact is too hard.
- Tell one person you trust what you decided.
- Find your own support, outside the family.
What can wait
- Any decision about the relationship, with your siblings or with the wider family.
- Whether to go to a memorial or a later gathering.
- Telling anyone in the family why you stayed away.
Who can help
A probate lawyer in the state where your parent lived can tell you where you stand, and can carry messages for you. A counselor can help with the rest, outside the family.
If tonight is hard, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is there. Call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. Free, confidential, any hour of any day.
It is also for people worried about a friend or loved one. Text and chat are available in Spanish. People do not have to be suicidal to call the 988 Lifeline.
The Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the United States, any hour; free and confidential (message and data rates may apply). Also on WhatsApp and web chat.
The Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988 then press 1, text 838255, or chat online at veteranscrisisline.net. Free, confidential, any hour. It serves veterans, service members, National Guard and Reserve members, and their families and friends; no VA enrollment needed.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: Siblings and the Estate
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 10. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 1 to 18 after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- What about half-siblings and step-siblings? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- What if my sibling and I disagree about the funeral? Book 1, The First Month
- Who is in charge if no one was named? Book 1, The First Month
- What if the will is unequal? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
Hear when Siblings and the Estate is out
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