The short answer
You can ask for time, and you can ask for help. The main federal wage law doesn't require pay for time off for a funeral.
So the leave you have depends on your employer's policy, any contract you work under, and your state. Human resources can tell you what applies to you.
Some adult children describe not being able to think, sleep or focus in the first weeks after a parent dies. Asking for help with that is ordinary, at work and anywhere else.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Send your employer a short message today.
- Ask human resources, in writing, what leave you have.
- Keep some days back for the weeks ahead.
- Write everything down in one notebook.
- Tell your own doctor that your parent died.
- Tell someone today, or call or text 988, if you think about not wanting to be here.
What can wait
- Deciding whether to change jobs, cut your hours or stop working. That decision can wait until the first month is behind you.
- Understanding your grief. You don't have to make sense of it this month.
Who can help
Human resources, or your union, can tell you what leave you have. Your state's labor department can say whether a state rule applies where you work.
Your doctor can hear how you are and suggest what might help.
If tonight is hard, call or text 988, or chat at chat.988lifeline.org. You can also text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. For the Veterans Crisis Line, which also serves families and friends, dial 988 then press 1, or text 838255.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First Month
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 12. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- One of us is in charge: what do the others have a right to know? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- What if I think a sibling took money? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- What about half-siblings and step-siblings? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- Who tells Social Security and the other offices? Book 1, The First Month
Hear when The First Month is out
A short note when each book is out. Five or six emails a year at most. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.