The short answer
Start by asking for the records, through the executor. Money can leave an account for reasons nobody has explained yet, such as care bills or repairs.
If the records don't explain it, the executor is usually the person who can act for the estate. A probate lawyer can tell you what your state allows. If your other parent is alive and someone is taking their money now, contact Adult Protective Services.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Contact Adult Protective Services, through napsa-now.org, if your other parent is alive and at risk now. Call 911 if the harm is urgent.
- Ask the executor to request the agent's records, or request them yourself if you are the executor.
- List the transactions you want explained, with dates.
- Ask your sibling for an explanation once, calmly, in writing.
- Take the records to a probate lawyer if the answers don't add up.
- Keep your own notes of every request and reply.
What can wait
- Telling the wider family what you suspect.
- Any accusation, until you have seen the records.
Who can help
For a parent who is still alive: Adult Protective Services, found through napsa-now.org, or the Eldercare Locator (call or text 1-800-677-1116, or go to eldercare.acl.gov). Both are on Who to call at the back of this book.
For the estate: the executor, the probate court in the county where your parent lived, and a probate lawyer of your own.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: Siblings and the Estate
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 6. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 1 to 18 after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- One of us is in charge: what do the others have a right to know? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- What if one of us cared for Mom or Dad for years? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- Who tells Social Security and the other offices? Book 1, The First Month
- What if the will is unequal? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
Hear when Siblings and the Estate is out
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