The short answer
Agree on a method before anyone takes anything. Some families who used a clear one, such as taking turns, describe less damage. Drawing lots and setting aside the pieces two people want are others.
The things often carry far more than their price. That is why they can cause the worst fights, even in families that agreed easily about the money.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Agree that nothing leaves your parent's home until there is a method.
- Photograph everything in each room.
- Ask each person, yourself included, to list the few things that matter most.
- Choose a method and an order together.
- Set aside anything two people want, and come back to it later.
- Write down who took what, with the date, and send the list to everyone.
What can wait
- Disputed pieces. They can stay set aside for as long as you all, and the executor if there is one, agree.
- Selling anything, and clearing the rest of the home.
Who can help
The executor, if there is one, can hold the method and the list. If there is no executor, a family friend everyone trusts can run the turns.
An appraiser can value anything that may be costly. A mediator can help if the talks stall.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 5: Siblings and the Estate
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 7. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers months 1 to 18 after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- What if we cannot agree about the house? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- Why are we fighting when we always got along? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- What do I do in the first hour? Book 1, The First Month
- What can wait until after the funeral? Book 1, The First Month
Hear when Siblings and the Estate is out
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