The short answer
Very little. If your parent died in a hospital, a care home or with hospice, the staff know the steps and can guide you through them. You can sit with your parent, call one person, and leave most of the rest until morning.
Two things are different. If your parent registered as a brain donor, their contact needs to be told within two hours. And a death at home that nobody expected has its own first steps, in What if the death was sudden, or far from home?
What to do
- Call the hospice, if hospice was involved.
- Call the brain-donation contact now, if your parent registered as a brain donor.
- Call one person to be with you, in the room or on the phone.
- Ask someone to stay tonight with your other parent, or your parent's partner, if they lived together.
- Start one notebook: who you called, and what they said.
- Leave the other calls until morning.
What can wait
- Choosing a funeral home, once you know how long your parent can stay where they are. In a hospital or care home, ask.
- Telling everyone. You can tell a few close people tonight and leave the rest. Others can do some of the telling.
- The obituary.
- All paperwork, beyond anything the staff ask you for tonight.
Who can help
The hospice nurse or social worker, if there was hospice. The hospital or care home staff, or the chaplain. A funeral director, for questions about what happens next.
If tonight is too much, the crisis lines are on If tonight is hard, at the back of this book.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First Month
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 1. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- What if the death was sudden, or far from home? Book 1, The First Month
- How do we divide belongings without a war? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- Who do I call, and in what order? Book 1, The First Month
- How do I stay in my family afterward? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
Hear when The First Month is out
A short note when each book is out. Five or six emails a year at most. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.