The short answer
A federal rule gives you a good deal of control over the price. You can get prices by phone, you get a written price list when you ask in person, and you can choose only what you want.
Check whether anything was prepaid, and whether your parent's veteran's benefits apply. Read the contract before you sign it, and ask whose name the bill will be in. In Minnesota, as one example, reasonable funeral costs are paid from the estate ahead of most other debts.
This chapter explains how things usually work in the United States. It is not legal, tax or financial advice, and the rules where you live may differ. Before you act on anything here, check it with one of the people named at the end of the chapter.
What to do
- Ask for the General Price List before you discuss anything.
- Bring someone calmer than you to the meeting, or take the list home and decide there.
- Say your budget out loud, and ask for each item's price.
- Choose only the items you want.
- Check for a prepaid plan before you sign.
- Ask about VA burial benefits, if your parent served.
- Read the itemized statement line by line before you sign it.
What can wait
- Applying for the VA burial allowance. Outside the exceptions, the limit is two years after the burial, and there is none for a service-connected death.
- Settling who pays what share, if others are helping with the cost.
- The headstone.
Who can help
The funeral director can go through the price list with you, and the cemetery can explain its own rules. For a veteran, call VA benefits at 1-800-827-1000, or the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 1-800-535-1117 (TTY 711). A probate lawyer can tell you what signing the contract would mean for you.
The rules, phone numbers and web addresses in this book were checked against the agencies’, courts’ and organizations’ own pages in October 2026. Where a rule differs by state, the book names one state as an example. Check anything you rely on with the office itself.
From Book 1: The First Month
This page has the short answer and the closing lists from chapter 8. The full chapter explains, in plain words, what exists, what to ask, and who can answer. The book covers the first month after the death.
Questions near this one
Other questions on related subjects, from this book and the others.
- What if my sibling and I disagree about the funeral? Book 1, The First Month
- What about half-siblings and step-siblings? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- What if I am estranged from a parent or sibling? Book 5, Siblings and the Estate
- Who tells Social Security and the other offices? Book 1, The First Month
Hear when The First Month is out
A short note when each book is out. Five or six emails a year at most. You can unsubscribe whenever you like.